Advice for Parents: Phase Three

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After completing the Parent Chronicles Action Items, you might be anxious to act on your recent findings. Here are some suggestions to help close the generation gap between you and your teen.

1. Get to know your teen’s friends - and their parents. As your teen enters high school and expands her social circle, it is important to meet her new friends. Offer to have a small party at your house and join the group for dinner. You can also reach out to your teen’s friends’ parents – find them at a school event or PTA meeting, soccer practice, dance rehearsal or other school-related activities. As you establish ties with like-minded parents, you will create your own “parent community,” allowing you to collectively set and reinforce rules for your teens.


2. Set rules for cell phones. A cell phone can offer peace of mind by allowing you to stay connected with your teen at all times, but it can also be misused or taken for granted. If you present the phone as a privilege, your teen will have to abide by your rules or risk losing that privilege. Set clear rules for using the phone – for instance, “When I call or text you, I expect you to answer or call back within 15 minutes.” You can also set check-in times at regular intervals when kids are away from home or school.


3. Talk about peer pressure. Even if your teen understands the risks of drug use, she will almost certainly be tested in certain social situations. Talk about the understandable desire to fit in and discuss ways to assert her independence without losing friends. Try role-playing with your teen to help her practice her own resistance skills. You can also suggest your teen check out abovetheinfluence.com for tips on making her own decisions.


4. Praise positive behavior. If you’re starting to sound like a broken record – questioning and reprimanding your teen – remember to also tell her when she makes you proud. Emphasize all of the things your teen does right and rein in the urge to be critical. Teens often say that they want to be treated as adults and earn their parents’ trust. If you can share your feelings and respect, your teen will feel good about herself and your influence will successfully reinforce good behavior.


5. Be a good role model. Before judging your teen too harshly, it might be time to look in the mirror. Are you setting a good example? If you abuse drugs or alcohol, your kids are going to pick up on it. Or if you laugh at a drunk or stoned person on TV, you may be sending the wrong message to your child. Be the person you want your teen to be.