“Your teen’s most powerful resource is YOU, her or his parent.”
 
Most of us would willingly agree with this statement when we are supporting our child in a positive activity (watching her soccer game, cheering for his football team, applauding at the play).  However, we tend to forget our powerful, positive impact when we are limiting our children’s activities by drawing boundaries and disciplining them.  We easily imagine our children hate us — sometimes they even tell us directly that they do!  At these challenging moments, when we need to assert ourselves as parents, we may wonder why we are bothering to attempt the stressful task of disciplining our teenage sons or daughters.
 
How should we inspire and prepare ourselves for the tougher part of parenting: the ongoing anti-drug conversation, making rules and following through?

First and foremost: BE THE PARENT.  It is most helpful if we call on our sense of perspective.  When we pull back and look at the big picture, it becomes clear that in order to raise children who are drug-free and healthy, we must develop communication, establish rules, and monitor the adherence to our rules.  Our children might have feelings about our viewpoints, or disagree with our perspectives, but we know that we are doing our job as best we can.  Keeping our kids healthy is one of our primary jobs as parents.  Being a parent who is willing to set limits on their children’s behavior is just as important as being a parent who is willing to be a booster to their children’s activities.  In fact, the most successful parenting combines both the warmth of boosting and saying “yes!” with the firmness of limiting and saying “no!”

Avoid these three pitfalls common to parents:

1. Desire to identify.  We often identify too closely with our children.  We want our teens to be happy and popular.  We are tempted to change our drug policy in order to bolster our children’s social success.
2. Fear that restricting our children will cause us to lose them.  We worry that if we limit our children, they won’t remember the good we have also given them.  Teens do sometimes threaten to (and sometimes actually do) withdraw their love.  This is painful and stressful, however it is usually time limited (the teen years do eventually end and, later, teens often do admit their love).  It is our job to remember that every teen wants his or her parents to care deeply about them.  Caring deeply requires more than just friendship, it includes mentorship — overseeing the child, helping him develop as a person of value, being willing to wrestle and work through difficult situations together.
3. Tendency to indulge, rather than have expectations of, our children.  Sometimes we try to capture the attention and loyalty of our children with material possessions.  Although it is right that we want to have a base of warmth with our children, we also want to give them expectations to live by and to grow into.  When a parent is able to set reachable expectations, and the teen meets them, real loyalty and real connection between parent and child occurs.  It is important that parents practice the deeper ways of connecting, rather than falling back on giving the child a present in order to produce a momentary “high” of good feeling

It is crucially important to talk to our children about drug use.  There are a number of simple tips we can act on to enable us to engage our children in these discussions:

	Establish and be clear about rules.  Make rules that address specific drug use.  Ensure that your child understands that there are rules – even if the rules run counter to popular culture.
	Enforce limits.  If rules are not enforced, parents grant unspoken permission.  Monitoring enables our children to grow up without experimenting.
	Prepare for pushback.  Though we work up the nerve to engage our children in difficult discussions, we may be unprepared for pushback.  When we present our children with our rules, it is likely that they will not express gratitude for our attention and efforts!  Even so, we must do our job as parents.  This leads us to tip #4.
	Stand your ground.  It’s only natural for children to push back when rules are enforced.  In these instances, it’s critical to hold your position.  Standing calm and firm encourages the development of basic life skills.  We all need to learn to follow rules, act with respect, develop integrity, and speak proactively.  The best kind of parental discipline teaches us these skills.
	Hold children accountable.  Once rules are established, hold children accountable for rules and agreements.  If your son or daughter breaks a rule, don't let your child off the hook in the spirit of maintaining the relationship.  Children feel more secure in a relationship when they are held accountable.

We all want to enable our children to live up to their potential and lead strong, healthy lives!  Healthy parenting leads to healthy individuals!